Membership Matters - Exercising Forgiveness, Part 2
A healthy church is not one where offenses never take place but rather one in which offenses are dealt with Biblically. As we began to examine in our last study, Jesus Christ himself gave us very clear instruction as to how to deal with offenses in the church. The end goal of this process is that sin be forsaken, offenders be forgiven and relationships be reconciled. This is the ideal and is quite possible if both the offended party and the offender are sensitive to the Holy Spirit. If this is the case, the offended party will not respond with hate, resentment or unforgiveness but with loving compassion for his offender. He does not become embittered or build up walls of hostility but rather seeks to be reconciled as soon as possible. On the other hand, if the offending party is at all sensitive to the Spirit, he will be convicted of his sin and seek out the one they have offended in order to apologize and reconcile.But what happens if somewhere in this process sin gets the advantage and reconciliation doesn’t happen? What if the offended one responds in bitterness and pride or the offender justifies his actions? Well, knowing that we are prone to sin and selfishness, Jesus also gave us instructions on how to deal with these cases. Jesus Christ desires that his bride (the church) be pure – free from sin and disunity. For this reason, he instructs us in how to purge sin from the church – either by men and women repenting of their sin and reconciling with one another. Or, in the worst case, by purging the hard-hearted rebel out of the church altogether.Either way, Christ would have his church pure. It is our responsibility as church members to take heed to His instructions regarding sin and offense in the church. As a potential church member, it is very important for you to understand the role of forgiveness in your Christian life.So, in our last study we considered some principles which might help us to forgive our offender without ever having to confront him. These principles are vital for every believer to incorporate into their thinking. That being said, there are times when we must confront our brother over sin and offenses. This is important to realize because at times we will be tempted to avoid confrontation out of fear, embarrassment or pride. Consider the following Biblical principles and how, at times we are obligated to approach our offending brother.
When We Must Approach Our Brother
Having seen when it might be better not to approach our brother when we are offended, let’s consider when we must approach our brother. Consider these principles:
The Principle of Protection
(Of others who are offended)
Psalms 82:3-4 Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute. 4 Rescue the weak and the needy; deliver them from the hand of the wicked."
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. What should we do for the “weak and fatherless”?Q. What should we do for the “afflicted and destitute”?Q. What should we do for the “weak and needy”?[/su_box]When we are the only ones offended or sinned against, we are perfectly justified in forgiving the offending brother unilaterally. It is completely within our power to decide to suffer graciously and choose not to approach our brother. This is not the case when we observe others, especially weaker brothers, being sinned against. In these cases, God encourages us to protect the weaker brother.Look up 1 Corinthians 8 and 1 Corinthians 10:23-33In the eighth chapter of 1 Corinthians Paul addresses a situation within the church where spiritually immature brothers were being offended by stronger brothers. In this particular case, there were men who had come out of pagan religion and as a result were disturbed by other believers who dared to buy and eat meat that had first been offered to idols. The weaker brothers had been delivered from paganism and consequently their conscience told them that purchasing meat from the market (which had first been offered idols) was somehow a compromise of the faith.Paul goes on to explain that these weaker brothers were wrong to believe that eating such meat was sinful. After all, there really are no such things as other gods or idols and all food is sanctified by God through prayer. Yet, Paul’s instructions to the Corinthians was that the stronger brothers (who understood that idols are nothing and therefore eating meat offered to them was not an issue), should be willing to limit their Christian liberty for the sake of others. That is, they should be willing to forgo eating meat offered to idols, not because it was wrong but because it was proving to be an offense to others who didn’t yet understand.This passage offers a fundamental principle on Christian liberty and how to love our fellow believers. We should be driven, not by a desire to explore every facet of what our Christian liberty allows us to do, but rather to find ways to encourage and build up one another. When the exercise of our Christian liberty proves harmful to weaker brothers, we should be willing to limit that liberty – we should always be ready to trade liberty for love. The question of whether or not something is sinful is not the final question we should ask. Even beyond this, we should be concerned with whether or not something is helpful to the encouragement of others.Paul heard that some in Corinth were flaunting their Christian liberty with no concern for the spiritual wellbeing of weaker brothers. In a move of protection over these weaker brothers, Paul approached the church with firm correction. Sometimes in the church we also must approach others in order to protect weaker believers.Obviously, the controversy over meat offered to idols is not one we encounter in our modern church. Yet, the principle found above is universal and applicable to every church of every age. Can you think of modern circumstance where we might apply the principle of love over liberty? What is something that may not necessarily be sinful, but could prove to be unhelpful? When might we need to confront someone over the flaunting of their Christian liberty?
The Principle of Intervention
(In the life of the sinning brother)
1 Corinthians 5:4-5 When you are assembled in the name of the Lord Jesus and my spirit is present, with the power of our Lord Jesus, 5 you are to deliver this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, so that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord.
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. In this passage we read about a man in the Corinthian church who was guilty of committing adultery. The church had overlooked the fault even though it was “commonly reported” among them (1 Cor 5:1). According to verse 5, how did Paul instruct the church to deal with this brother?Q. According to the latter part of verse 5, what was the motivation for “delivering this man to Satan for the destruction of the flesh?”[/su_box]Sometimes it is important to confront a brother over his sin in order to prevent him from continuing down a path of personal destruction. The Corinthians had to make some severe judgments on behalf of this sinning brother but even this was for his own good. It is not helpful to ignore or avoid confrontation in the name of “keeping the peace”. Especially if it means allowing a brother to continue in a pattern of living that will be detrimental to him in the long run. In such a case, the loving thing to do is not to gloss over their sin but to encourage him to overcome it.Approaching a fellow church member concerning their sin is not helpful unless it is clearly done from a position of loving, humble care. Before ever doing so you need to ask yourself whether or not you have the type of relationship with this person which allows you to have such a difficult conversation. How might a sinning brother react to your rebuke if you have not shown a pattern of love and care for them? How might this reaction be different if you have consistently shown love and concern for them?
The Principle of Purification
(Of the body of Christ)
1 Corinthians 5:6 Your boasting is not good. Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump?
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. Paul goes on to give another motivation for confronting this brother. Why did he say that the boasting of the Corinthians was not good?[/su_box]What Paul is saying is that this one man, having been permitted to continue in sin, could have a sinful influence on the entire church (Heb 12:15). Just as a little bit of yeast spreads and permeates the entire loaf of bread, sin also spreads in the church, thereby defiling the entire congregation. Paul told the church that they should not have been boasting but rather mourning over the sin in their midst (1 Cor 5:2).When sinful or offensive activities are continuing in the church body, it is the church’s responsibility to approach the sinning brother and confront him over his sin. The purpose in confronting the brother is to protect his own spiritual wellbeing and to maintain purity in the church. (see Acts 5:1-11 for a striking example of this).[su_box title="Think and Apply" style="soft" box_color="#E67600"]In what ways might a sinning brother influence others in the congregation? How might the church’s failure to address the sin negatively affect the church at large?[/su_box]
The Principle of Reconciliation
(Of both you and the offender)Another principle that we must consider when deciding whether or not we should approach our brother is that of reconciliation. Because God desires perfect unity in the body of Christ (Eph 4:2-3; John 17:21-23), we must seek to be reconciled to our brother whenever a relationship is harmed due to offenses (Matt 5:23-24; Matt 18:15).
Matthew 5:23-24 So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. Using the context of a man bringing a sacrifice to the altar, Jesus gives us a principle regarding reconciliation. What does the man mentioned here remember?Q. Is this man the offender or the offended?[/su_box]The idea here is that this man, while preparing to offer his sacrifice to God, remembers that he has, in some way, offended a brother in Christ. Once he remembers that he has caused an offense and that a fellow Christian has something against him, he should go and be reconciled to his brother and then come back and offer his sacrifice. This again emphasizes the fact that God is unreceptive to praise from Christians who refuse to reconcile with others. (Matt 6:14-15; Matt 18:21-35).
Matthew 18:15 "If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother.
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. In the previous passage we saw a man who remembered that he had offended a brother. How is this passage different?Q. What does Jesus tell this offended brother to do?Q. Considering both Matt 5:23-24 and Matt 18:15 above, who is responsible for approaching their brother, the person who is offended or the person who caused the offense?[/su_box][su_box title="Think and Apply" style="soft" box_color="#E67600"]If both the one who is offended and the one who caused the offense followed the Biblical principles taught above, how would most personal conflicts end?[/su_box]Jesus said that mutual Christian love in the church would be clear evidence that we are his disciples (John 13:35). Consequently, he has placed a tremendous emphasis on unity and reconciliation in the church (1 Cor 1:10; Php 1:27; 2:1-2). If we have been offended, we should approach our brother, seeking reconciliation (Matt 18:15). If we have offended others, we should seek out our brother, seeking reconcilation (Matt 5:23-24). The desire for unity in the church and the desire to exhibit Christ-like love should motivate both brothers to reconcile with each other.In review, so far we have seen that when we are offended we should Approach our Brother in Confidence. We learned that before we approach our brother we should consider the principles of Gracious Suffering, God’s Sovereignty and God’s Justice. We also learned that there are some principles that demand that we approach our brother; namely, The Principles of Protection, Intervention, Purification, and Reconciliation.If we follow these principles and it results in the “gaining of our brother” than no other action is necessary. But, if our brother refuses to “hear us” and does not respond to our efforts at reconciliation or our confrontation of his sin, than Jesus gives us another step which we should follow. He tells us that we should approach this unresponsive brother “with counsel”.
Approach Your Brother with Counsel
There is no place for lingering animosity, unforgiveness, bitterness or any other sin within the church. For this reason, Christ has given us clear instructions regarding how to deal with such things when they arise. If the church were to obey Christ’s commands as given in Matthew 18, such sinful attitudes would be consistently purged from the congregation. Either through repentance, or in the worst case scenario, through the removal of a hard-hearted rebel from the church. Whatever the case may be, the end result is the same – the church emerges in purity. And so, what if a sinning brother does not repent of his sin and does not respond to an appeal for reconciliation? Christ and His church are not powerless in such situations. This next step in Matthew 18 is often referred to as church discipline.
Matthew 18:16 But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses.
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. What does Jesus tell us to do if our brother “will not hear” us?[/su_box]Here we are told that we should tell our situation to one or two other Christians who can act as objective witnesses (“that…every charge may be established”). These men or women can act as mediators or judges. They can view the conflict with fresh eyes and help to determine whether there has been a misunderstanding or a legitimate offense.
1 Corinthians 6:5 I say this to your shame. Can it be that there is no one among you wise enough to settle a dispute between the brothers,
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. As we have already seen, in 1 Corinthians 6, Paul is dealing with the fact that the Corinthians were taking one another to court to settle their disputes. Paul rebukes them for this practice. What did he expect there to be in the church?[/su_box]
Deuteronomy 19:15 "A single witness shall not suffice against a person for any crime or for any wrong in connection with any offense that he has committed. Only on the evidence of two witnesses or of three witnesses shall a charge be established.
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. What did God forbid here?Q. How did God say the matter should be established?[/su_box]The use of two or three witnesses is a biblical principle stretching all the way back to the book of Deuteronomy. If the situation with our sinning brother is to rise to the level where the church body becomes involved these witnesses can serve as confirmation of the offense. They also serve as witnesses to the sinning brother’s willful rebellion and refusal to be reconciled.[su_box title="Think and Apply" style="soft" box_color="#E67600"]Why is it a good principle to not always accept the testimony of only one accuser?[/su_box]If approaching our brother privately has failed and we must avail ourselves to this second step, we should be sure that our motivations are pure and that we are not involving others for the sake of justification, or because we are looking for people to take up our offense. Our motivation should be a sincere desire to be reconciled to our brother, to keep the church pure, or to intervene in the life a sinning brother for his spiritual wellbeing. The best practice would be to seek the elders of the church or others who have a reputation of godliness.Jesus goes on to give us yet another step in this procedure. If our brother refuses to hear us privately and refuses to hear the Godly witnesses which we have involved, then we are to approach our brother as a congregation.
Approach Your Brother as a Congregation
Matthew 18:17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. If your brother refuses to hear you and also refuses to hear the two or three witnesses, then what should be done?[/su_box]Step three in this procedure, after two or three witnesses have deemed there to be a legitimate sin or offense, is to bring the situation before the church (1 Cor 5:4-5; 2 Cor 2:6-7). Here, the church acts in unity to admonish the sinning brother and seeks to restore him to fellowship (Gal 6:1-2). This restoration can happen only after repentance and reconciliation (Luke 17:3)[su_box title="Think and Apply" style="soft" box_color="#E67600"]Why do you think it is important for the church to act in unity in this matter?[/su_box]Becoming a member of a church means that one is choosing to submit to the the spiritual oversight of its leaders and to make oneself accountable to fellow church members. If the sinning brother does not heed the admonition of the church then he has made it clear that he is no longer in submission to the authority of the church and refuses to be accountable to it. The church then has no choice but to move on to step four in this procedure for church discipline which is to remove your brother from your company.
Remove Your Brother From Your Company
Matthew 18:17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. In the worst case scenario, this brother will refuse to repent of his sin and be reconciled to the church. What did Jesus tell the church they should then do?[/su_box]Lastly, Jesus tells us that if our brother has not taken heed to our desire for reconciliation, or our admonishment against his sin, neither has he obeyed the counsel of two or three witnesses, nor has he submitted himself to the authority of the church, then the next step is to remove him from our fellowship.Paul confirms this principle in his epistles to the Thessalonians and Corinthians:
2 Thessalonians 3:14-15 If anyone does not obey what we say in this letter, take note of that person, and have nothing to do with him, that he may be ashamed. 15 Do not regard him as an enemy, but warn him as a brother.
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. What was the church to do with a brother who was unwilling to obey the letter that Paul had written?[/su_box]
1 Corinthians 5:11-13 But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolater, reviler, drunkard, or swindler--not even to eat with such a one. 12 For what have I to do with judging outsiders? Is it not those inside the church whom you are to judge? 13 God judges those outside. "Purge the evil person from among you."
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. How did Paul tell the Corinthians they should relate to a brother who is continuing in the sins mentioned here?[/su_box]It is no small matter for a Christian man or woman to reject the efforts of the church to restore him to Christ and to reconcile him to their fellowship. The church is the very body and bride of Jesus Christ and operates with his authority and on his behalf. When we obey Christ in dealing with these matters we are executing His will on earth. This is made clear in Matthew 18:18-20.
Matthew 18:18-20 Truly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven. 19 Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them."
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. What will be “bound” and “loosed” in heaven?[/su_box]Remember, this passage is still in the context of the procedure for forgiveness and discipline in the church. Christ’s desire for his church is that it remain pure and free from sin and division. When a cogregation follows the biblical pattern for discipline and executes judgment or restoration, they are carrying out God’s will in the church.
Hebrews 12:4-11 In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. 5 And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. 6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." 7 It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 8 If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 9 Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 10 For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 11 For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. According to v6, what does God do for all those whom he loves? What does v8 say about those who are not disciplined by God?Q. According to v10-11, why does God discipline his children?[/su_box]Discipline is a reality for all of God’s children. At times he exercises our faith through conviction, trials and rebuke. He uses circumstances, His word and confrontation by others to expose sin in our lives and to purge it from us. Anytime He disciplines one of his children it is always for their spiritual benefit – to separate them from sin and encourage them to holiness.Church discipline as taught by Christ in Matthew 18 is simply the church carrying out God’s will for discipline in the lives of those who claim to be His. This is why it can be said that whatever is “bound or loosed” on earth will also be bound or loosed in heaven. Church discipline is a matter of obedience for the church and when they faithfully carry it out, God affirms their actions from Heaven. He then promises his presence and his authority in matters of judgment when he states in Matthew 18:20 – “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.”[su_box title="Think and Apply" style="soft" box_color="#E67600"]How should Christ’s promises in Matt 18:18-20 encourage the church to confront sin and offenses in the church instead of avoiding confrontation at all costs?[/su_box]The church which does not employ this procedure for forgiveness, or in the worst case scenario, church discipline, does not operate with the authority of Christ and does not have the promise of Christ’s approval on matters of judgment. It is the faithful adherence to Christ’s commands in Matthew 18 that brings his blessing and authority upon the church.Church discipline is always for the ultimate spiritual benefit of the sinning brother and the church at large. First, it prevents one who claims to be a believer from persisting in sin. If he repents and is restored then church discipline has done it’s job and this brother is the better for it. If he refuses to repent and is put out of the church, God then continues his discipline by allowing this man to suffer the consequences of his own sin. This too is done with the purpose of ultimately bringing him to repentance.Secondly, church discipline purifies the church at large. The church is purified by having an unrepentant member removed from the congregation and it is also purified by setting a high standard against sin – which serves as a fearful detterent for others.It is easy sometimes to ignore sin or offenses in the church in the name of “keeping the peace”. This is a foolish thing to do as it foreits Christ’s blessing. He desires the unity and purity of his church and has, therefore, commanded the church to confront sin and seek reconciliation when necessary. After all, it is his church and not ours. We exercise church discipline because it is Christ’s prescribed method of keeping his church pure. The church which desires the blessing of Christ will follow his procedure for forgiveness.
The Perpetuity of Forgiveness
What if our brother does respond to this procedure for forgiveness and repents of his sin but then later repeats the offense? What if he sins, repents and repeats it again? Surely there is a limit to the forgiveness which God would have us show to one another! This is the exact question that came into Peter’s mind after hearing Christ’s teaching on forgiveness:
Matthew 18:21 Then Peter came up and said to him, "Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?"
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. After Jesus taught the proper procedure to follow to deal with forgiveness in the church, what question did Peter ask?[/su_box]Having heard Christ’s prescription for forgiveness, Peter wonders at what point the Christian should be allowed to withhold forgiveness. What if our brother keeps offending us? What if asks forgiveness but sins against us again? Surely there is a limit!
Matthew 18:22 Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.
[su_box title="Question..." style="soft" box_color="#2AA3CE"]Q. How did Jesus answer Peter’s question?[/su_box]Jesus is not telling Peter that he should forgive his erring brother 490 times. He is using a figure of speech to illustrate the perpetuity of forgiveness. That is, we should be willing to forgive our brother as many times as he sincerely repents and seeks our forgiveness. In doing so, we are modelling the longsuffering forgiveness that our Lord has shown to us (1 John 1:9; Eph 4:32). That being said, if a believer continues in a particular sin as a pattern of life, we must be willing to question the sincerity of his supposed repentance. Genuine repentance will always bear evidence.God’s forgiveness is unending. When we come to God, repenting of our sin, we can count on Him being faithful to forgive us our sins. As beneficiaries of this endless forgiveness, we should be willing to show the same mercy to our brothers and sisters in Christ.Spiritual growth and Christ-likeness in the life of a believer will lead him to practice forgiveness. On the other hand, a lack of forgiveness in the life of a Christian is an indication of a spiritual problem. It reveals that he has forgotten what God has done for him and it exposes his unloving heart. The man or woman who is closest to God is furthest from pride. He understands that he was indebted, unable, and undeserving when God forgave him of his sin and responds by freely forgiving others.The church has a responsibility to exercise forgiveness and restoration when a brother sins and later repents. It also has a responsbility to carry out church discipline when he refuses repentance and reconciliation. What does that mean for us as individual church members? It means that we must have a willingness to freely forgive others and also a determination to defend the purity of the congregation through church disicipline when necessary.[su_box title="Review!" style="soft" box_color="#FF4D2C"]1. When should we be willing to limit the exercise of our Christian liberty?2. Can you summarize in your own words, the principle of intervention?3. Can you summarize in your own words, the principle of purification?4. Can you summarize in your own words, the principle of reconciliation?5. Under what circumstances might the church need to move onto step 4 in the procedure for forgiveness and remove a brother from the church? How does this benefit the church and the sinning brother?[/su_box]